I could picture him coming back. Bumping into him by chance at my doorstep.
Hey! What a surprise to find you here… -and the whole conversation, supposing I’d be able to maintain my physical and verbal composure.
How are you? -He’d say with his shiny eyes and his languid body as if not wanting to be there but about to fade away between nerves and emotions.
I’m good and you?
How can I help? That phrase like a customer support line wasn’t dropped there by mistake. It had all it’s purpose: diminish his presence’s importance. I wanted to throw him off, make his thoughts hesitate and make him doubt about the purpose of his visit. His silence pointed out the success of my plan. He had no response or wasn’t aware of what to answer back. I spoke up again.
I don’t know, If you’re coming back I guess you must be needing something.
With his same lost face, he replied back after several minutes: Yes, you.
I smiled slightly.
I’m sorry, that’s not something I can give you.
Through that trip I discovered all I had grown up ’till now. And that man, which was last year’s highlight was now too small for me. Or at least, that’s how it felt. He was like a small shirt that needs replacement because it no longer fits and it’s taking up space in the closet. And what a better start than spring to remove dried up leaves, cut down dried stems, remove all weeds and leave clear space for all the new, for the flowers and the new leaves.
And that’s how I started spring this year: my new life. Away from the shadows and open to all the lights ready to come. A month is coming to an end, so is the season and with it, another chapter.